The first step in helping your troubled teen is to recognize that they are in trouble.  One of the key signs is often “acting out.”  This is when teens take unusual actions as a way of getting attention and expressing problems. It can look many different ways and span anywhere from a violent outburst to quietly withdrawing. A troubled teen may drive you crazy with angry words, defiant behavior, or by completely denying your existence in their life.  However, as a parent, the last thing you should do is to turn away from them, especially if the behavior seems to be escalating and previous attempts at resolution did not work.

Remember that you are their parent, and that gives you special bond with your child. Teens often act out against the people they love the most (as weird as that sounds).   Strive to be a reasonable, reliable, and positive person in your teen’s life; ideally someone they can count on at all times. Often, adolescents are struggling because deeper underlying issue they may not be aware of. This can be so confusing for them. Those underlying problems need attention, not just the acting out behavior.  It is not always easy to figure out what the deeper issue is.  As a parent, simply understanding that there may be something beyond the negative behavior is helpful. Of course adolescence is full of hormonal and emotional changes, but sometimes there is a problem that is rooted deeper than that.

It is so important to simply listen to them, and if they’re not inclined to talk about things, ask questions to try to understand what’s happening in your teen’s life.  Resist the temptation to judge them or tell them what to do.  It is important for them to be heard without fear of negative recriminations.  Try your best to make them feel loved, understood, and valued in your home, so that they don’t need to turn elsewhere for approval and acceptance.

As a parent of a teen, keeping your connection alive, and striving to have open communication between you and your child is imperative.  It is also really hard. As adults, we often forget how difficult it was during our teenage years. The issues many of us were faced with are much less complex than the issues teens are faced with today. We can’t stress the importance of simply engaging your child in conversation.

The backdrop to our world today is filtered through social media. As we know all to well, many teenagers are attached to their smart phones. It’s easy for them to become inundated with upsetting images and information. In addition cyber bullying is a serious problem. Navigating social media, in all its forms, can cause emotional distress. This is the first generation of teens faced with having to navigate the complexities of social media. It’s challenging for them. It’s scary for parents. They literally have access to everything with the swipe of their finger. Keeping all lines of communication open with your teen will only help you in supporting them.

If despite your best genuine efforts to help your child work through their emotional distress, they continue to struggle, it may be time to seek out professional assistance for them. It’s hard to know when that time is. It’s sometimes even harder to admit that you need the help. We get it. However, a mental health professional can help identify what the root problems are, and provide assistance in resolving them. It is usually more helpful to seek professional help when the problems are fairly new, rather than waiting until they are more advanced. When talking with your child about professional counseling, try to make sure they see this as something to help them, not as a stigma, or a sign that there is something wrong with them. Getting them to come with you to the initial session can be the hardest part.